Virgin Rap 2​.​0

by Brian Steveson

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A little way to show that you don't need to be sexually active to care about sexual wellness.

For more information about the Sexual Wellness Advocacy Team, visit



Alright, now let's do it. Wait, no. I don't mean the "sex" thing.
The closest I've been to sex is typing "blowjob" when I'm texting.
To set the record straight, now before things get to silly,
Stick your finger in my ear and that's my only wet willy.
That long, hard thing I grab, it's just a broom handle,
And I've only used a condom when I make balloon animals.
I'm a virgin and I know there's nothing wrong with that.
I just don't know what it's like to consensually stick my dong in that.
My friends have and I tell them "That's fantastic,
Having the kind of sex that's fun and enthusiastic."
I still think giving milk is the greatest thing that boobies do.
You're out there getting laid, I'm at the TV watching Scooby Doo
Because to me, sex is confusing Inception
I was in a threesome once, if you count my conception,
There's more sperm in my sack, than people in China it seems like
But I don't mind if I don't know what a vagina feels like

The point of this rap wasn't to make you feel uncomfortable
But rather to ensure that your future sex is wonderful
For me, it hasn't happened yet, and that's all fine and dandy
But I have one last thing to say, that will certainly come in handy
It's that some people aren't as fortunate, in sexual assault
Survivors blame themselves, but it's never been their fault
It's the ones who perpetrate; you see, they're the ones to blame
So here's a nifty tip to make sure you don't do the same.
Just make sure there's consent, it's important to address
it's not the absence of a no, it's the presence of a yes
It doesn't need to be as simple as "Hey, will you have sex with me?
"The stronger you communicate the better all your sex will be.
Consent is many things, doesn't have to be explanatory
Consent can be sexy, but most of all it's mandatory
And there's so much in our culture that needs to reshape
So if we educate ourselves, then we can help prevent rape.


released June 29, 2014
Musical backing track - "Looney Goons" by Hala-x

Recorded and mixed by Gradient at Ravioli Road studios.


tags: comedy rap Eugene



Brian Steveson Eugene, Oregon

Young University of Oregon film student who loves cartoons. Sometimes I write couplets and recite them over beats.

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